BOOKS HUMOUR

EASTER HW for FCE candidates

Dear candidates,
you must download and print out the attached file in order to do the activities you will find in it. Click HERE to access the file. Remember to ask your teacher for the password you need to open the file. Don't forget to bring the activities done on Monday 15 April.

Bathtub anxieties

There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
- "Can I touch it?"
- "No way -- you already broke yours off!"

What NOT to say to a police officer

-- I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

-- Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize I was driving.

-- Wow, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me!

-- I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

-- You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

-- You look just like my girlfriend's deadbeat ex-husband.

-- The question is -- do YOU know why you pulled me over?

-- I was trying to keep up with traffic, and it's miles ahead of me.

-- If you have to ask if I've been drinking, I'm not going to tell you, dude.

-- That's a sweet 9mm. You want to hold my .44 magnum?

-- If I'd known I was getting a full body cavity search, I would have waxed!

CAN ANYONE HELP ME WITH THE PRONUNCIATION?

Ration only sometimes rhymes with nation,
Say prefer, but preferable,
Comfortable and vegetable.
B must not be heard in doubt,
Debt and dumb both leave it out.
In the words psychology,
Psychic, and psychiatry,
You must never sound the p.
Psychiatrist you call the man
Who cures the complex, if he can.
In architect chi is k
In arch it is the other way.
Please remember to say iron
So that it'll rhyme with lion.
Advertisers advertise,
Advertisements will put you wise.
Time when work is done is leisure,
Fill it up with useful pleasure.
Accidental, accident,
Sound the g in ignorant.
Relative, but relation,
Then say creature, but creation.
Say the a in gas quite short,
Bought remember rhymes with thwart,
Drought must always rhyme with bout,
In daughter leave the gh out.
Wear a boot upon your foot.
Root can never rhyme with soot.
In muscle, sc is s,
In muscular, it's sk, yes!
Choir must always rhyme with wire,
That again will rhyme with liar.
Then remember it's address.
With an accent like posses.
G in sign must silent be,
In signature, pronounce the g.
Please remember, say towards
Just as if it rhymed with boards.
Weight's like wait, but not like height.
Which should always rhyme with might.

INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT ENGLISH

We pronounce the combination "ough" in 9 different ways, as in the following sentence which contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."

Don't you believe us? Click HERE to see it and a lot more!!!!

GRAMMAR GREMLINS

It's never too late to brush up your English and keep it up. We dare you try and get rid of the gremlins in your grammar!!!!

WEBS TO PRACTICE

Dear students,
as we told you in class, we uploaded some interesting links so you can practice for your English tests next week.
Click HERE for a nice web page. (Click on the label: cambridge).
Here you have ANOTHER one (Label: EFL exam practice).
And finally the THIRD (Label: student's area).

Enjoy these web pages and GOOD LUCK to everybody with your exams!!!!!

Verb Tenses Guide

Here you  have a Verbal Tense guide to help you in case you need to revise them.

CLICK HERE 

PASSIVE VOICE

A new worksheet with some extra sentences for you to practice. Off you go!!!! Click HERE to download the word file.

PLAYING AT QUESTIONS?

A famous literary piece of language play occurs in Tom Stoppard's Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. The two players take it in turns to ask questions, and try to win by making the other reply with a statement, repeat a previous question and generally break various rules which they refer to as they go along. Are you ready for the GAME? ENJOY IT!!!!!

Text from Language Play by David Crystal.

The origin of SPAM

IDOLS WITHOUT A NAME

Would JAMES BOND have been famous in Spain being called JAIME VÍNCULO?

How would these famous people have been called if they had been born in Spain? Tell us in your comments

MEL BROOKS                           BLONDIE                

JOHNNY CASH                        TOM CRUISE          

JAMES DEAN                          JOHN FOREMAN  

FORRES GUMP                        JEREMY IRONS      

JACK LEMMON                       PAUL NEWMAN    

PETER SELLERS                      SNOOPY                            

CAROL BAKER                        JAMES BROWN

CASIUS CLAY                         CRISTOPHER CROSS

SALLY FIELDS                         J. MICHAEL FOX

MIKE HAMMER                      CRISTOPHER LEE

JAMES MASON                       MIKE OLDFIELD

LIZ TAYLOR                            SHELLY WINTERS

Love letters

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Postal acronyms

In the days when lovers communicated chiefly by mail, long before the advent of the mobile phone, many a lovestruck young man or woman scrawled a "secret" final message on the envelope before rushing for the post. These fondly remembered one word acronyms date mostly from World War II, when many love affairs were interrupted by the man being called up and sent far from home in the armed services. Some of these coinages are still familiar to many people today.

The challenge is to find out the meaning of the acronyms listed (try not to surf the internet if possible).

BITS         BOLTOP        BURMA       CHINA        CHIP         EGYPT       FISH        HOLLAND        ILYA           ITALY               MALAYA       MEXICO CITY         NORWICH           SAG           SIDCUP               STARDUST          SWALK          WALES

LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS AND SHOW OFF!!!!

From The secret life of the English language by Martin H. Manser.

TEXT MESSAGING

The advent of the mobile phone and the chat room has lead to much elaboration of  abbreviations. Typically, words are rendered shorter through the reduction of words to their initial letters or through the replacement of certain letters with numbers  or symbols......

CAN YOU GUESS THE MEANING OF THESE ABBREVIATIONS?

AFK B4 BCOS BRB CUL8R

GR8 H&K HAGN HAND IC

ILU J2LUK KIT KOL LOL

LU4E MUSM OIC PLS POS

STR8 TLK2UL8R TOY W8 Y

LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS

Are you left or right brained?

 

Do you want to know if you are left or right brained?

Click here to do an easy test.

BE AN ENTHUSIAST ABOUT SENTENCES!

Do you need something challenging?   Look at these sentences carefully and find out why they are so peculiar. If you can see the curiosity each one has, you are a real ENTHUSIAST !!!! Accept the challenge and send your comments!!

1- " A bronzed cowboy,dancing elegantly for grand hotels in Jersey, knitting lovely mittens nicely quilted rubber shoes, thought untrained vets would X-ray your zebra".

2- " The escaping gangster ran next to old deserted docks".

3- " The head adjudicator organized educational alienation on one network"

4- " I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting ; nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality, counterbalancing indecipherability, transcendentalizes intercommunications' incomprehensibleness".

Tudor criminal language

If you are going to become a Tudor criminal, you need to learn the language. Can you guess the meaning of this?

THAT HISTORY TEACHER'S A WALKING MORT. I WISH SHE'D STOW HER SO I CAN COUCH A HOGSHEAD. IN FACT, IF YOU KEEP YOUR GLAZIERS ON HER, I MAY JUST PRIG A NAP!

Leave your comments using your contemporary English!!!! 

 CLICK HERE to find a glossary !!!!! ask your teacher for the password and....... surely you will become the perfect Tudor criminal. Remember to leave your comments to get your criminal sentence!!!!

Ask Henry VIII

If you asked Henry VIII how many yards there are in a mile, what would he say?

We'll answer next week. Be welcome to add your comments, please!

grammar revision- 4th ESO

In this link, you can find some grammar activities which can help you to prepare your final exam.
CLICK HERE